Wednesday, March 25, 2009

Actual Conversations, Act 1.

Act 1:


"I've never been so cold in my life. I feel like I'm in an igloo."

"Actually, I've heard igloos are quite warm, given the right architect."

"....I feel like I'm outside of an igloo."

Saturday, March 21, 2009

Irony.

Spelling is very impornant to me.

But not as important as grammar is to me as important as spelling is.

I guess that's why I'm a riter?

Eye am boar ring.

I felt the sudden urge to make a blogpost.

I also spelled "urge" like this the first time:

erge

Cause that's how it sounds.

-jake

Sunday, March 15, 2009

Laptop

Thy smoothest of weathered plastic,
Thine metallic ying yang of sweat,
Oh sweet electronic nectar,


Thou dost sustaineth me...

__________________________

Saturday, March 14, 2009

Letters to my Emotions:

Dear Melancholy,

I'm sorry for stalking you, but you were always there when I was feeling down.



Dear Courage,

Where the frick have you been? Seriously. Quit being a massive douche and come home. I miss you more than Joy.



Dear Loneliness,

I don't quite know how to say this...but, I think it's time for you to move out.



Dear Curiosity,

You should come out with us sometime. You were the most fun to hang out with.



Dear Intelligence,

What are you, five? Grow up and read a book, you moron.



Dear Creativity,

Even though I like you, you're not an artist dude. Sorry.



Dear Self-Confidence,

You're an idiot.





Dear Unquenchable Gluttony,

I think I'm in love with you. Don't tell Melancholy...

Friday, March 13, 2009

Judgment

When I see a word I don't know,
I usually judge whether or not it's a typo
by the source from which it comes.

If you're an idiot,
I'm not going to spend more than 5 seconds
trying to figure it out.

If you have a higher level of intelligence,
I'll probably look it up.

If you're Wikipedia,
well, if you're Wikipedia...


That's a story entirely its own.

Wednesday, March 11, 2009

I Wish

If someone told you that anything you wished for would come true so long as your wishes remained selfless and giving, how long would you last before the desire to wish something for yourself would take hold of you?

Or would you twist the rules and wish for the betterment of those around you, as to benefit yourself?



More importantly...

What if that's already the world we live in?

Thursday, March 5, 2009

Things

Things I need to do at some point:

Make $1,000,000 in my life by doing something exciting, like who wants to be a millionaire.

Give away $1,000,000 accrued money to charitable organizations.


Things I need to experience:

Swallowing a bug while on a motorcycle, because I was laughing at an inappropriate joke.

Swimming in the Bermuda Triangle to see what all the hullabaloo is about.


Things I need to stop doing:

Using the word hullabaloo.

Making incredibly stupid decisions every single day.


Things I need to start doing:

Using the word tomfoolery more often.

Reading my Bible more often.


Things I need to eat:

A freshly picked coconut on an uninhabited island.

A grub.




Things I need to see:

Not America...