Sunday, April 19, 2009

Reflection

I see a prison in the mirror sometimes.

Sometimes it smiles back at me, and sometimes it winks before I go out on a date.

It even fools me from time to time, and I start to think, "I could live in there. I could be comfortable."

And at the very moment where things begin to feel content again, the bars appear, and I remember the constraints.

Still, I imagine I haven't been sentenced for life.

My Judge is just and forgiving, and there is no jury.

And so, I await His appeal.

I will wait and pray and hope and live.

I will live, and despite the prison, I will make plans for the time of my freedom.

3 comments:

  1. It's a beautiful thought.
    That's the potential we work for.

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  2. OtherLivingThingsApril 29, 2009 at 9:47 PM

    I just... hope you're not wasting the time you have here, in the prison, planning for when you get out. You know you're able to move freely about the world, right? We're all in prison together, I think, and as long as you're here, you may as well make the best of it. There are people, more than you would think, that feel imprisoned too.

    It would suck to spend this life waiting for the next. Whatever you plan for, you don't know what your freedom will bring.

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  3. @OtherLivingThings

    That's not at all what I was saying. The last couple lines describe it all.

    "I will live" Meaning, I will live.

    "and despite the prison I will make plans for the time of my freedom" Meaning, while I'm living my life as much as I can, I will make plans for when I am truly free to be fully alive.

    I don't expect anyone to understand what I feel like, or what I'm experiencing, and the point of this particular blog wasn't to say, "I'm going to wait around for the afterlife, so I don't have to worry about living." The point was to say that I AM going to live, even though there is this "prison" holding on to me - a prison known as anxiety disorder, depression, and agoraphobia.

    It's not something that you can say, "make the best of it." about. If it were that easy, do you think I would still be in this situation? It's not something solved by optimistic words.

    It may seem like a simple thing to people who have never experienced a steady flow of crippling unwarranted fear, but to those of us who have, it is a grueling and painful battle everyday for our very lives.

    I don't take this subject lightly, and carefree attitudes just make me feel upset, because I don't have that kind of luxury.

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