Sunday, May 31, 2009


I smell you everywhere - at work, at home, at church, the bank, the store. Why did you pick such a common perfume? You know how good my memory is. It tortures me.

You're still here after you've gone, clinging to everything you touched. I hate it. It reminds me of you, and makes me delusional. You'd go insane realizing the volume of monuments I've raised in your honor. You'd fall flat seeing the magnitude of grandiose imagination stolen away to commemorate the times that never happened.

Quit taking up my thoughts. Get out of my head. To be honest, you don't deserve to be there.

To be honest, I deserve better.

To be honest...

You can fly to the ends of the earth, and you're still here, taunting me with your smell. Curse the innovative mind who created such a painful fragrance.

Thursday, May 21, 2009

Captain Guile's Pride

Tim Robbins wasn't a particularly honorable man, and given his history with the crew, no one was about to save him from his fate. No one saves a betrayer, and no pirate cares to cease a whipping.

"What's done is done, Robbins," Jame said, "You ain't no murderer, but you sure as spittin' outta be whipped as one. Ain't no crime worth its weight than betrayal. You admit to it an we might lessen the severity of this ere lashing."

"Cat!" as Robbins had always called the captain, "I been with the Anchor evers since the birth! We ain't no enemy o' each other Cat! We ain't no enemy!"

The Captain held his glowing-gray gaze on Robbins, letting only the shame of his crime bear down upon him. Captain Guile owned neither guilt nor deceit amongst his crew. He wasn't a man of righteous behavior, but honorable to his convictions in every right, and innocent of any crime among his men.

The accused Robbins couldn't stand the gaze of his captain. Shameful, he looked away, frightened not of his punishment, but having Captain

"...whip me," he spoke just loud enough for all to hear.

"Whip me," a commanding voice called.

Robbins looked up, "Cat?"

"Whip me in his place," Guile said as he pulled off his clothing.

"Cat, I ain't no deserving o' such mercy! Whip me!" he cried, butting his head against the crew members.

"Robbins!" the commanding voice of the Captain bellowed, "Who is the captain of this ship! When does the Anchor sail! Where does this ship fly!"

All of these questions were painfully rhetorical, but everyone knew the answers to them.

The ship answered only to Captain Guile of East Down. It went where he dictated, and it left when he gave the word.

"Whip me," the Captain said for the last time, pulling off the last of his clothing.

Clenching the whips in hands hands, Jame looked to Robbins who desperately wanted to take the beating.

He knew what needed to be done. Broken, he gave the Captain the fifty lashes that Robbins had so rightfully deserved. No one watched. No one apart from Robbins, who watched every moment as the leather bore down upon the man who had taken him in when no one else would.

Never did the Captain's gaze leave Robbin's. He took lash after lash, never losing his stare. Everyone wondered if he even felt the pain on his back, for the pain in his heart was greater still.

But even greater than this was the pain Tim Robbins would have to live with.

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

To my heart...

When you beat correctly, we're peachy keen.

Keep screwing up like this, and I'm going to punch you in the right atrium.

Seriously. Don't be a jerk. I don't remember dictating this crap. I thought we were symbiotic buddies...?

Cut it out.



Monday, May 18, 2009

Internet monologuing

Have you ever IMed someone, and they didn't answer right away, so you began to ramble?

Really? Me too. We have so much in common.

[12:26:09 AM] Jake Sidwell says: You up?
[12:26:29 AM] Jake Sidwell says: I are have a question.
[12:27:11 AM] Jake Sidwell says: Well, more of a declarative statement with an implied question.
[12:27:16 AM] Jake Sidwell says: But a question nonetheless.
[12:28:22 AM] Jake Sidwell says: Is it just me, or does "Nonetheless" seem like grammatical cheating? I mean, with that logic I could just make entire sentences one word. And forget about periods. What's the point when everything runs together anyways?
[12:28:25 AM] Jake Sidwell says: I digress.
[12:28:28 AM] Jake Sidwell says: I'm off tomorrow.
[12:28:35 AM] Jake Sidwell says: The question has been implied.
[12:28:40 AM] Jake Sidwell says: Answer at your leisure.

Friday, May 15, 2009

Today is a good day

I'm having a good day today.

I don't feel great, but I feel great. If that makes any sense to you, you're probably insane, or you're me from the future.

By the by, If you're me from the future, can you leave a comment telling me if I become successful eventually?

Unless, of course, you're from the incredibly near future, in which case, just leave me to my fate.

Anyways, I'm just having a good day, and I wanted to tell a bunch of strangers.

Thanks for being the sweetest strangers I've ever had the chance to write to in an online blog on a Friday.


Tuesday, May 12, 2009

The Architects - Part 1

Some things you really don't want to know. Probably happened right after Academy, or sometime around then. No wait, was it before? I can't remember. I forget stuff all the time. Is it that important anyways?

I've been given a layout of the rest of my life. It's an ugly blueprint, but no uglier than yours, I'd suppose, not that you'd ever know. At least I get to see mine. Sometimes I try to draw on it, but Jack slaps my hand. He knows I'm not a friggen kid, but he still treats me like one. Can't really blame the guy though. I mean, I stole his pencils a couple times. He was ├╝ber pissed.

"They're not toys, you idiot! You're not ready. I'm incredibly annoying, blah blah blah", he said.

I mean, geez, he knows how to change all the blueprints back anyways. He remembers all that stuff. Says I'll do it someday too. Not sure if I want that part of the job though. You don't miss things you can't remember.

Besides, I don't even know if I want to be a Scheduler. The ones I met are all boring. The lives they drew were so linear, so symmetrical. Where was the art? They were just following the formulas. Life isn't math. It's not an equation. Not that it matters. I've already seen my blueprint. The layout was so undeviating, I wanted to vomit. I'm going to meet the idiot who drew mine up and beat the crap out of him (Hey, don't tell Jack, but I think I'm going to try and change it. The Academy would be pissed if they found out, but...we'll talk about it when we meet up.)

Anyways, I consider myself a musician of life. An architect of ingenuity, you know? I can't ignore a possibility. I don't know. It's like, they're so concerned with the rules, that they forget about the beauty.

They're friggen line tracers. Only see the positive space, and they completely ignore what really makes the picture beautiful. All the negative space is thrown away. Bunch of pansies are too scared to venture into creativity.

Ah crap, Jack's coming. I gotta seal this before he can read it. Don't forget to write back.

Talk to you soon Pandora.



Sorry for complaining so much.

Tuesday, May 5, 2009

Something Amused Me.

This is a conversation which proceeded through my facebook status message.

It amused me.

Jake Sidwell:

Starbucks...I am here. I don't want to be. Go away, Starbucks. But keep overpaying me, your terrible pay. And give your great benefits, that I don't take advantage of. But most importantly, go away.


starbucks, i will do all the daytime sheets that nobody got done that morning. then i will close you down by myself. and then i will open you again before i leave.

Jake Sidwell:

Starbucks, I have left you, but only so I can see you again in a few hours when I can continue the insanity of doing the religiously similar routine as the aforementioned shift. I wouldn't mind if you burned yourself down while I was away. Just make sure my tips make it through the fire.


bahaha @ clopening.


oh both of you relax, if you dont like it quit or learn to have a servants heart grrr


I am relaxed, I just hate my job. You're saying that everyone who doesn't like their job should quit? By that logic, America would be unemployed. Just because I hate it, doesn't mean I'm ungrateful for it. I enjoy the crappy paychecks, I just don't enjoy what it takes to get me there. :)

Obviously, it's a simple task to amuse me...