Sunday, July 12, 2009

Sand betwixt my toes

They all went to the beach today.
My mom said, "You'll regret not going."
I lied and said I wouldn't.
I stayed home and made bad decisions.
Eating, watching, lounging, dieing.
I made up things.
"I don't like the sand."
"The water is cold this time of year."
"Too many people for me."

I love sand.
Cold water is refreshing.
People give me joy.

Because the truth makes me looks stupid.
I can't explain it to anyone.
And I'm tired of hearing that they all have the answer.
It assumes I AM stupid.
Like I haven't thought about it day in and day out.
Trying to figure out the answer.
Desperately searching for the truth.
As if the three words would fix my problem.
"Get over it."
Thanks mom.
I'll do that.

It's not so simple.
So I lie.
Even though I don't want to.


  1. I think you've just succeeded in summing up my entire phobia fairly accurately.

  2. I'm sorry...
    I love your honesty.
    I'll be praying for you.

  3. Just do keep in mind, when people make eased assumptions, that you are not the only haunted one. Everyday, this happens. And some people haven't got anyone to ask them if they'd like to go.

  4. Aww!
    The world loves you.
    Don't be shy =]

  5. "Anonymous said...

    The world loves you.
    Don't be shy =]"

    It's not about being "shy". It's about being thoroughly shaken by something not so scary to everyone else, but you have no real idea why, so you feel absolutely insane whenever you freak out and no one else understands what's going on.

  6. Yes thank you becca.

    I know.
    It was just a bad attempt at telling him he has a lot to offer the world because he's a great person. And I know that doesn't change anything, but it doesn't hurt to tell them, right?

  7. @anonymous

    Believe me when I tell you, I took your words kindly. Thank you for the encouragement! It's people like you that make this world livable. :)

  8. On Facebook, you said you've come a long way from where you were when you wrote this. How did you do it? I'm mildly agoraphobic (I'm a bit better than I used to be) but still struggle daily. I didn't even know the exact term for the anxiety I have until you mentioned it. I totally need help getting over this, but I don't even know where to start.